The Misadventures of Harley Quinn
by GirlwithCurls98
Summary: A Batman AU where, after betraying the Joker and being hunted by his henchmen, is taken in and adopted by none other than Bruce Wayne/Batman himself. Come along as she tries to adapt to her new life, her new family, and her new job as a teenage crime fighter. Hope you enjoy!
1. Harley Quinn Finds A Home

When Harley woke up, she wasn't sure where she was. All she remembered was running from the cops and then being hit in the head. She didn't understand why they were after her. I mean, yeah, she had stolen a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread from the corner store, but she hadn't eaten in two days. _Some days, _she thought, _I wish they'd just arrest me. At least in juvie you get a bed and three meals a day._

She paused, looking around her cautiously. It was dark, but she was in a bed somewhere. _Maybe I am in jail. Or maybe I'm dead. Neither option seems bad at this point. _

"You're awake." Said a low voice. Harley jumped, searching frantically for the source of the sound, and suddenly noticing she had an IV in her arm.

"Where am I?" she called out. "Who are you?" Out of the shadows, a tall figure stepped forward. He was clad all in black, and the sight of him made her stomach drop. Her worst enemy: Batman.

She swallowed, and sunk into the bed, wishing she could disappear. _Great. So I am going back to juvie. _"Are you going to arrest me, Batman?" she remarked, putting up her snarky defenses like she always did.

"No. You're not going back to Gotham's Juvenile Detention Center." He replied. That surprised her.

"I'm not? Why? I mean, it's not that I want to go back to that hellhole, I just want to know why they're letting me go."

He shook his head. "They're not just 'letting you go' Harley. The prosecutor wanted to send you to Gotham State Prison, and if you're not careful, that's where you're going to end up."

Harley swallowed, suddenly terrified. "So if I'm not going to jail, what's going to happen to me?"

Without warning, Batman reached up and peeled his cowl off to reveal: Bruce Wayne.

The shock was so great Harley almost passed out again. Instead her jaw dropped. _Bruce Wayne is Batman. No way, he's a billionaire. Why would he be Batman?_

"Well, Harley, if you'd like, I'm going to adopt you."

As if one shock wasn't enough for today.

As soon as she heard that, the insane rage she felt towards Batman, or Bruce Wayne or whoever this guy was for always chasing after her came back and her temper exploded.

"WHAT THE HELL?! OF COURSE I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU ADOPT ME! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TRYING TO RUN MY LIFE?! I'D RATHER GO BACK TO PRISON THEN BE WITH YOU, EVER SINCE MY MOM KICKED ME OUT YOU'VE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL!" She screamed, limbs flailing in blind fury.

In one smooth motion, Bruce scooped her up in his arms and sat down with her on the bed. Confused and blindsided, she panicked, struggling in his strong hold.

Still sore and exhausted, she had no choice but to eventually stop her tantrum and sink into his embrace. She was silent for several minutes, and then she asked,

"Why do you want to adopt me?" her voice weak and small. Bruce smiled, the first time she had ever seen him do so.

"How old are you Harley?" he asked, blindsiding her again, always doing the opposite of what she expected.

"Sixteen." She answered.

"And how old were you when your mother kicked you out?" She squirmed, and buried even deeper into his arms. "Fourteen." She managed to choke out.

He nodded understandingly. "So you spent fourteen years with a woman who hated you and the last two running, committing crimes to stay alive. You have never known love, family, or even had a home. The only thing you own is that jester suit on your back."

Without warning, Harley Quinn burst into tears, reliving every moment she had been tortured by that witch of a woman, every night she had gone to bed hungry, being taken in and then betrayed by the Joker, running from hit man after hit man he sent after her, and never ever having a good night's rest.

"Shhh, Harley, it's alright. It's okay, that's all over now. You are safe now." He whispered, running a comforting hand over her back.

She continued to weep, clinging to her worst enemy like he was the only source of salvation for her.

"If you want, you can stay here. Stay with me, and Dick, have a real home and family. And… if you're good, you might even get to suit up alongside Batman and Robin."

That caught her attention. Harley wiped her eyes and sat up. "What? You mean like as a superhero?"

"As my sidekick. But you'd have to earn it. Following the rules, going to school," He replied as he pulled the IV out of her arm.

"Shit." She snapped.

"And watching your language." He chided, placing a small bandage over the wound.

"Actually, technically you're already adopted."

"What?" she cried, jerking her arm away from his grasp. "When? How?"

He smiled, standing up and settling her back between the sheets. "Just this morning, actually. You've been asleep for a few days. The courts declared your mother an unfit guardian, and allowed me to take custody of you. Since you're a runaway, and a delinquent, you didn't have to sign for consent. If you really hadn't wanted to, you would have become a ward of the state again, and I don't think you want that."

Harley shook her head vehemently, drawing the covers around herself protectively.

Bruce smiled. "I thought so. Now, get some rest. We'll talk more a little later." She yawned and nodded, sinking deep into the bed.

Bruce adjusted the covers over her before walking to the door. Just before he left, he turned back and said, "Goodnight Harley Quinn."

"G'night Bruce, she replied, sleepily.


	2. Harley Quinn Goes To High School

Dick Grayson was not a morning person. Even when he didn't go on night patrol with Bruce, he always woke up tired and groggy.

So it was not uncommon that Alfred watched as Dick sat at the kitchen table looking like he was about to fall asleep in his cereal bowl. However, as Alfred reached for his morning cup of tea, Dick sat up with a start, his eyes growing wide.

Confused, the butler turned around to see Harley Quinn had come downstairs. In the week since she had been in the Wayne household, he had only seen her once before, when Bruce was taking her upstairs to one of the many spare bedrooms. Then, she had been covered with dirt from head to toe, wearing nothing but her jester costume, emaciated and injured.

Now, thanks to the nutrition supplements Bruce had been giving her, she looked strong and healthy. When clean, her ivory skin was bright and seemed to glow from within. Her blonde hair, untangled and trimmed, hung in two braids down her back. She wore a simple blue dress with black shoes. She was very pretty, save for the frown on her face.

"What're you lookin' at Grayson?" she snapped, smirking as the teenage crime fighter blushed and closed his mouth which had been hanging wide open.

Smiling, Alfred stood and pulled out a chair for her. "Good morning Miss Quinzel." He said cheerily. She waves him off. "It's just Harley, thanks." She replied, though her snarky tone left a little something to be desired. He knew that the young lady had a very difficult past, but as Bruce had told him, she seemed willing to behave, though it would take considerable effort from both parties to get her fully adapted to her new life.

"Morning everyone." Bruce said evenly, walking into the kitchen, dressed in a sharp looking suit as always.

"Morning Bruce!" Dick called cheerily. Bruce smiled and sat down to breakfast. He glanced toward Harley and noticed her empty plate. "Not hungry Harley?" She shook her head, keeping her gaze on her lap.

"You should eat something. It's a long time until lunch."

"Yeah Harley, you've got to have energy." Dick injected.

Harley glared at him. "I've survived gangs, robbers, and psychotic mass murders. What could be that bad?" Dick and Bruce shared a look and smiled. "High school."

Bruce drove the teens to school himself that morning, pausing as he pulled into the parking lot. "Have a good day, and Harley…" he said, making the girl pause as she grabbed her bookbag. "Behave." He reminded, reiterating that there would be consequences if she did not.

Bruce smiled internally as his cell went off during an extremely boring meeting at Wayne Enterprises. He mouthed his apologies to his associates and picked up.

He listened intently for a few minutes, frowned and ended the call. "I'm sorry gentlemen, but if you will excuse me," he said as he rose to leave. "Problem, Mr. Wayne?" his chief executive asked. He nodded. "Teenagers."

When he got to Gotham High, he was not surprised to find Harley Quinn waiting for him in the Principal's office. He sighed, sitting in a chair beside the very despondent young girl. "Mr. Andrews. It's good to see you, although I wish it was under better circumstances."

The principal nodded. "Harley, would you like to explain what happened to Mr. Wayne?"

She shook her head, eyes glued to the floor, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

The principal sighed in exasperation. "Miss Quinzel was involved in an altercation with another student in the cafeteria this morning."

Bruce's eyes widened as he turned to his stubborn charge. "Fighting Harley? On your first day? Really?" Her head snapped up to face him. "It was an accident I swear! I was just trying to get my tray and this bitch tripped me! I hadta defend myself, I just hadta!"

Bruce took a deep breath. "Harlene Quinzel." He said, his voice carrying the same deadly edge as his Batman voice. "First of all, you will apologize to Mr. Andrews for your behavior. Secondly, you are going to apologize to the girl you fought. And thirdly, if you do not watch your language, you are going to be spending a lot of time with me and a bar of soap. Do you understand?"

"But Bruce!"

"Do. You. Understand. Me?" He growled. Harley hung her head and nodded, deliberately avoiding his gaze.

"As per school policy, Harley is suspended for the next three days. But I hope that she will be able to return to us and have an excellent career here at Gotham High." Mr. Andrews said solemnly.

Bruce nodded and stood to leave. "Come on Harley, it's time to go home." She frowned and followed behind Bruce, her head still hung, her eyes brimming with tears.

In the car, the vivacious, attitude filled teen was dead silent in the back seat of the car. When Bruce looked in the rearview mirror, he saw that she was trembling, almost shaking with fear. He sighed. "It's okay Harley. It's alright. I am disappointed in you for fighting, but I understand that sending you back to school right away might not have been the best idea."

"I'm sorry Bruce. I didn't mean to let you down." She said mournfully.

He nodded understandingly. "I know sweetheart. But if you ever want to work with Dick and I, you must go to school. That's the rule."

Her gaze dropped back to her lap. "Dammit." He groaned. "And watch. your. language." He scolded. _I'm going to need more soap. _


	3. Harley Quinn Has A Problem

It was a drizzly afternoon, and Bruce Wayne was deep in thought in his study. Harley had been adjusting well to life at the manor. She was going to school and bringing home good reports. She was behaving at home, doing her chores, being nice to Alfred. Even her and Dick were getting along; he had spent most of last night teaching her to play chess. She was almost ready to start her training as a crime fighter, there was just one thing…

**Knock Knock Knock!**

"Come in!" Bruce called, sitting up and collecting his papers. The door flew open and in ran a breathless Harley Quinn, braids undone and streaming behind her, her blue eyes alight with joy.

"Bruce! Bruce, look!" she cried, handing him a paper. "I made an 88 on my English test yesterday!"

The once sulky teenage delinquent was now grinning from ear to ear. Bruce could not have been more pleased. "Excellent work, Harley, I'm very proud of you!" he praised, ruffling her messy blonde hair.

She beamed and scrambled to pull a book out of her bag. "Look, we just finished Julius Caesar and my teacher knows how much I love Shakespeare. She gave me a copy of Hamlet to read!"

Bruce grinned. "Well, go get your homework done and you can start on it after dinner." Harley nodded enthusiastically, but as she turned to leave, she tripped and her books flew out of her hand.

"Dammit!" she yelled in frustration. _Ah ha!_ Bruce thought. _That's it._

"Harlene Quinzel Wayne! How many times have I told you to watch your language?" he snapped. The girl froze, hearing the unspoken message loud and clear. _Full name = big trouble. _

"Too many times?" she offered, and he was surprised to note the trembling in her voice. He nodded. "And what did I say would happen if you did not?"

Her face fell and she looked at him unsure. "You said you'd wash my mouth out?" He nodded. "Exactly. And have I ever gone back on my word?"

She hung her head. "No sir." She mumbled. He gathered his strength and nodded. "Well then, come with me Harley."

He didn't actually expect her to follow him. At least not willingly. But she did, grumbling at first, but she followed him upstairs and down the hall to the bathroom.

He shut the door behind her and grabbed a new bar of ivory soap from the cabinet. He eyed her sternly, but there was no need, she was staring at the floor, submissive as ever. _Something's wrong. The Harley Quinn I know wouldn't go down without a fight. _

Very gently, Bruce slipped a large hand under her chin. She tensed at first, but then relaxed as he lifted it up so he could meet her eyes.

In a soft, but firm voice, he asked, "You understand why I'm doing this, don't you Harley?"

She nodded. "I've been bad so you have to punish me." Bruce raised an eyebrow, taken aback by this answer. Then it hit him. _Of course. Knowing her witch of a mother, disobedience probably meant beatings, or worse. No wonder she's being so compliant. She was conditioned that way. _

Suddenly overwhelmed by emotion, Bruce leaned forward and enveloped the young girl in a hug. Confused, Harley Quinn squirmed in his grasp before pulling back. Bruce put a hand on her shoulder and looked deep into her eyes.

"Harley, I'm not going to hurt you. Do you understand? That's not what this is. This is not punishment, it's discipline. It's giving you a reminder so that you don't disobey again. You must trust me Harley, it is my duty and privilege to take care of you, and I would never abuse that privilege."

She nodded slowly, taking everything in, before crashing back into Bruce's strong chest, her thin arms encircling him and holding tightly.

He smiled and held her close, dropping a gentle kiss on her forehead. They stayed like that for a minute, and then he pulled away.

"Alright, are you ready Harley?" She wrinkled her nose and nodded, but held her head up, unafraid.

With one hand, Bruce wet the bar of soap under the tap and quickly stuck it in her mouth. "Two minutes, little one." He replied sternly, "I don't want to hear you use that kind of language again, got it?"

Harley Quinn mumbled something incomprehensible, her face twisted at the taste.

Bruce chuckled. _Good going Wayne. Just one step at a time. _


	4. Harley Quinn Has Too Much Fun

It was 2:17 a.m. and Bruce Wayne was jolted awake by the sound of feet thudding on the hard floor. He raised an eyebrow and started to get out of bed. All of a sudden, the door to his bedroom flew open, and there stood a very upset Dick Grayson.

"Bruce!" he exclaimed. "Harley's sick!"

Bruce was on his feet in an instant, following his son down the hall. "What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know. She keeps throwing up and she says her head hurts and she looks really bad Bruce." He replied, clear worry in his voice.

When they reached the bathroom, Alfred was already there with a mop, trying to calm a sobbing Harley Quinn as her stomach rebelled once again.

Bruce immediately dropped to his knees beside her, rubbing soothing circles on her back, pulling her tangled blonde hair away from her face.

"Shhh." He whispered. "It's alright, it's just a stomach bug. Nothing to worry about."

Alfred cleared his throat and looked down at the girl, leaning into Bruce's embrace.

"If I may, sir. Miss Quinzel does not have a fever, nor is she displaying any of the normal symptoms that would accompany a stomach virus. Judging by how quickly her illness came on, I think the cause of her sickness can be traced back to an overconsumption of alcohol."

Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Alfred, are you saying that Harley is hungover?"

The butler nodded. "Precisely. That would explain her upset stomach, and a headache caused by dehydration."

Dick, observing the scene, giggled hysterically. "Harley went and got herself drunk right under Batman's nose! Now that's a trick that can't be beat!"

Bruce glared at his young ward, silencing him. "Did you have a drink at the party last night Harley?" he asked.

She yawned. "I-I don't know. I had drinks last night, but I didn't know they had alcohol in them."

"What do you mean you didn't know?" Dick joked lightly, only to be quickly shot down by Bruce and Alfred.

"I just didn't know. One of your friends told me it was a type of fruit punch. What did he call it? A Furry…a fuzzy something. Yeah, a Fuzzy something."

Bruce glanced at Alfred. "You mean a Fuzzy Navel?" She nodded, her eyelids starting to droop. "Yeah, that. It was really good. Kind of peachy."

"Who gave them to you?" Bruce demanded. Harley shrugged. "He said he was a friend of yours. Clark, I think. Clark Kent."

Dick gasped behind him and Bruce shook his head. _Oh, he's going to pay for that. _ "Get her some Tylenol and a glass of water." He told Alfred as he got up. "I'll be right back Harley, I've just got to put this one to bed." He said, swinging Dick up and onto his shoulders as he did so. "G'night Harley!" Dick called. "Feel better!"

Alfred sighed and finished cleaning up the bathroom while Harley Quinn rested on the cool tile floor. "Harley?" he asked, once finished.

She opened one eye, and looked up at the British butler as he offered her his hand. "Yes, Alfred?" she replied, as he pulled her to her feet.

"I was just wondering when exactly you figured out that what you were drinking was indeed alcohol and not just punch." He asked, giving her a knowing smile. She flushed a vivid scarlet, giving herself away.

"About the third drink." She admitted. Alfred merely shook his head.

"Well, I won't tell Master Bruce if you won't, but I hope you learned your lesson about drinking." She nodded vigorously. He smiled. "Good. Then let's get you back to bed."

Wrapping an arm around her slim shoulders, he walked her back to her bedroom. Just as he was about to leave to fetch her medicine, a small voice made him pause.

"Hey, Alfred?"

"Yes Miss Quinzel?" A long silence followed, stretching on for several minutes.

"Thanks." Alfred smiled, giving silent thanks to Bruce for bringing this bright light to their family.

"You're welcome." He paused. "Harley."


	5. Harley Quinn's First Step

It was Saturday, and Harley Quinn shot straight out of bed the instant her alarm went off. She had been working tirelessly at school and at home for what seemed like an eternity to earn this privilege. Being on her best behavior had not been easy, but today was finally the day.

In a frenzy, she threw on her clothes and laced up her sneakers, not even bothering to brush her hair before she thundered downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Morning Alfred!" she called. The Englishman smiled and sipped his tea. "Good morning Harley, would you like some breakfast?"

She shook her head. "Don't worry, I've got it." She replied as she retrieved a box of cereal from the pantry.

Alfred nodded gratefully. "You're up awful early this morning." He observed.

"Yep. I had all A's and B's on my report card, so Bruce said he'd finally let me see today!"

Alfred smiled understandingly. "Ah, I see. When will you be going?"

Harley grinned through a mouthful of Cheerios. "Rwght aftur brefast." She swallowed and cleared her throat. "D'you think he's up yet?"

As if on cue, Bruce walked into the kitchen, grabbing a cup of coffee. Her cereal forgotten, Harley leapt out of her seat, bouncing up and down excitedly.

"Bruce! Can we go now? Please?" she begged. Bruce and Alfred shared a smile.

"Not till I've had my coffee." He replied, and her face fell like hard rain. He chuckled. "Go get Dick up, and we'll go as soon as everyone gets dressed." He said, ruffling her hair. She beamed, and started off towards the stairs. "And put a brush through that mop!" he called, but she was already racing up as fast as she could go. Bruce smiled again and sat down with his coffee.

"Do you really think she's ready?" Alfred asked, joining him at the table, pushing Harley's abandoned breakfast to the side. Bruce nodded. "She's ready. She has to learn sooner or later."

Suddenly, there were several loud thumps, sounds of a struggle, and a very indignant "HEY!" from upstairs.

"Dick's up." Bruce said, and even Alfred couldn't conceal his grin. There were several more thumps, and then Harley Quinn ran into the kitchen, holding a brush in one hand, and dragging Dick by the other.

By the looks of him, Dick was still extremely groggy and not too happy at having been woken up so early. Bruce got up and sat his ward down so he didn't collapse on the floor. "I'll go get dressed, you finish brushing your hair, and just try to focus on getting your eyes open, alright Dick?" Dick gave a weary thumbs up and then buried his head in his arms. Bruce sighed and started upstairs. "Wait for me in the study Harley, I'll be there in a minute, understood?"

In the study, Harley paced back and forth, growing more jumpy and impatient by the minute. One minute became two, two became three, and before long a full 10 minutes had passed. Irritated, she sat down in Bruce's desk chair to wait some more.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a bust of Shakespeare sitting by the telephone. _That's new._ She thought.

Curious, she got up to examine it. "Hello Mr. Shakespeare," she said. "Hello Harley." She replied for the statue. "I love your work." She said, smiling as she got into her game. She switched voices. "Me too!" She reached out to make the statue nod his head, when of a sudden, the head of the bust fell back to reveal a switch.

Harley took a step back, surprised. Very carefully, she turned the switch, waiting to see if anything happened. Nothing did. She sighed, and then a bookcase slid open to reveal two poles heading down into a dark hole, like an elevator shaft.

Fascinated, Harley crept closer, until she was standing just on the edge of the tunnel. She gripped the brass pole in one hand, finding it smooth and cool to the touch. Taking a deep breath, she wrapped her other hand around it, and jumped!

Faster than she thought possible, she slid down the pole, and she giggled, holding on tight.

Finally, her feet hit the bottom and she let go. The room was black as pitch, and she the only light she could see came from the study. She took a few steps forward cautiously, her hands out in front of her, groping for something, anything.

After a few feet, she did hit something. Something warm and solid. _Okay, here's the wall. _ Then the wall breathed.

Harley screamed and scrambled backward blindly, turning and running in solid darkness. She collided with another object, and she fell backward, only to be caught by a pair of arms.

"Put me down!" she cried, squirming and kicking. "LET ME GO!" she fought, but to no avail as her enemy suddenly hugged her close.

"Easy Harley, it's just me." She froze. _Bruce? But, it can't, what the…_

There was a huge crack, and the lights snapped on, blinding Harley for a moment. She blinked several times, and when she could finally see, her jaw dropped.

All around her, she saw giant computers, walls with every gadget and tool one could imagine, and on the floor, the giant silhouette of a bat. She looked up to discover her adopted father holding her. No cowl could ever disguise that smile. Dick appeared behind him, dressed as Robin. "Not bad." He observed. "Better than my first time." Harley looked at him, confused.

Batman smiled. "Welcome to the Bat Cave, Harley."


End file.
